Much as I enjoy Christmas and all the build up, I find the period of limbo between the festivities and the New Year celebrations makes me restless. I always relish the thought of January and the idea of new beginnings and probably even more so this year. When I withdrew from the MA in November, I made a conscious decision not to give too much thought to my work during December. I felt I needed time off. There was always going to come a time when my studies finished and I would have to ask "what next" but I hadn't expected it to be quite so soon and I felt I needed the time to come to terms with this.
I've been reflecting not so much on resolutions for 2012 but ambitions. I know it's not going to be easy directing my own work without the structure of an organised course and somehow I'm going to have to find the discipline to focus on what I believe to be important. With the start of a new year, I felt ready to tackle this head on. Then I woke up on New Year's Eve, sneezing, full of cold and with yet another eye infection and I feel as though my brain has turned to mush. I don't feel I can tackle anything!
This feeling of not knowing what I want to do was not helped by unexpectedly receiving results today for the only piece of work I handed in for the MA. I didn't think it would be marked but it was and I did much better than I ever expected... "high standard", "exemplary", "a strong submission." Suddenly I was overwhelmed with regret... perhaps I've made a huge mistake. Perhaps I could cope with the work along side everything else after all?
But the feeling didn't last long - I know I was not enjoying the course whether I could do it well or not and I just need to find my own direction. And that may take me some time. I know I'm still interested in lace and holes, missing parts of stories and costume... and suddenly I have a renewed interest in Miss Havisham.
So meanwhile, I'll just work some samples without thinking too much about it and see where it takes me. I won't worry about making mistakes and getting it wrong.
And I'll have to trust that I'll find my way... all in good time
How wise to give yourself time to come to terms with your decision. To often people rush into the next phase, instead of giving themselves time to adjust. I like what your meanderings have produced in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteI do hope your cold gets better soon.
I do hope you are feeling better by now. You are definitely wise to take your time about making decisions. I always find that this time of year is the worst for being objective - why on earth are we expected to make resolutions is beyond me. The samples are lovely.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon Gina and I certainly would say something similar to the previous two posts. Love the work you have created here.
ReplyDeleteI do hope you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations for the well deserved glowing praise for your submission, you know you could do it if you really wanted to - but you didn't and you still don't. It's good that on reflection you still feel that way.
Beautiful seed head studies.
xxx
When you are feeling better is the best time to think about things, now just concentrate on getting well.
ReplyDeleteSending Hugs! x
It's all been said already, so just wishing you a blessed and healthy new year.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon, love the "lacy" seed heads. Oh and Miss Havisham, who couldn't be inspired by her - all that lace and texture, and as for the cobwebs....just totally inspirational!
ReplyDeleteI so sympathise with your feelings of worry when it comes to self direction, I know i shall feel the same next year, but I'm sure you'll find your creative feet with no problem, you look as if your already happily exploring ideas.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon and can enjoy your new freedom to experiment with no deadlines.
I think you're wise to carry on working on your samples without too much thought. It's not a good idea to over think things, take that from some one who does, it more often than not leads to more stress.
ReplyDeleteHope your cold clears up soon, I had one over Christmas and it's no fun!
V x
Wow those samples look fantastic, will you be bringing them with you tomorrow?
ReplyDeleteYou definitely deserve some time off not just to think about where to go from here with your work but time for yourself. Sometimes a step back can result in two forward.
Do hope you are feeling better Gina. I love the samples you show here and it will be so rewarding following your own path rather than having to conform to the strictures of a degree course which might have taken you in a direction you were not keen on.
ReplyDeleteMiss Haversham is the perfect character to inspire your 'lacey' experiments.
Hope you feel better soon. Wise words from everyone above. You said in your post that you were overwhelmed with regret, I think you would'nt be normal if you didn't have these feelings. Your decision was made and for the right reasons and it will all work out, it's still very early days. Have a Happy and Healthy New Year!
ReplyDeleteI think it's inevitable, once a decision's been made, that something pops up which makes you ask all the same questions all over again. But you didn't make your decision lightly and obviously, after reflection, you realized it was the right one regardless of your results. All that proves is that you have a real and brilliant talent so whatever you decide to do in 2012 you have that knowledge behind you. Hope you feel better soon and able to clear the mush :-)
ReplyDeleteHappy new year my friend...you will find your way. Keep in touch with the Here and Now. Your path will appear xxx
ReplyDeleteIt sounds to me like you have made the right decision. A course is all very good but if you are not happy or enjoying it why do it ? I sometimes feel an urge to go to Uni to prove myself but then think why - who do I need to prove myself too ..... If you find structure helps you move on why not create your own curriculum to follow - things you aspire to create and give yourself a time limit on each one? Enjoy your journey xxx
ReplyDeletehi gina
ReplyDeleteall best wishes for the new year.
well done on your submission - this piece of work is amazing. i think i may have said before i do not know how you fit so much into your day.
lots of love anniex
Gina, with your sense of exploration and fantastic technical skill, won't it be fun to let yourself do a bit of wandering without too big a helping of wondering?
ReplyDeleteHere's to a fabulous 2012 full of pleasing surprises. xo
It's good to give yourself a breather especially at the beginning of a new year. Hope you have a happy and healthy 2012
ReplyDeletetwiggy x
Happy New Year Gina! I'm sure you'll get a lot of satisfaction from blazing your own trail and I have no doubt that you'll set yourself a very high bar, whether or not anyone's looking over your shoulder!
ReplyDeleteOooh, fantastic feedback, but I can see how that could confuse things! HOWEVER - if you were able to produce such exemplary work while not enjoying yourself and under enormous stress, just imagine what you can do in your own time, at your own pace, following your heart. I hope the New Year is full of good things for you - I'm sure it will be!
ReplyDeleteI hope you're beginning to feel a bit better Gina. Take your time to recover and things will begin to fall into place. xx
ReplyDeleteKeep taking the tablets love.
ReplyDeleteGreat comments on your work but it wasn't contributing happiness in your life... onward into 2012 and maybe lacy cobwebs in the phone box? Hope you're feeling better now.
ReplyDeleteYou'll find the way - enjoy the little trips down side roads, they are often the best!
ReplyDeleteGina,
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since I've checked in on your blog, and I had not realized that you'd given up the MA studies.
The demise of the Julia Caprara School was such a blow for all of us.
I don't know quite what I want to say here, other than keep on working and looking at your own work critically.
The piece you've shown in this post is really strong.
Maybe what I want to say is an oh so British quote - Keep calm and carry on.
xx
The samples are lovely, very magical. Have fun and enjoy 2012!!
ReplyDelete