Like Buses...

Nothing for weeks and then they all come at once. Well maybe not all at once but two posts in five days from me which feels like a lot. To be honest I need a break from clearing out my studio. The logistics of trying to decide what I might need for the next six to twelve months and what I can put in storage is making my brain hurt but I'm slowly sorting out every box and drawer which has been quite cathartic. The realisation that I will never do silk painting again and the satisfaction of passing on a box full of supplies to the local school was a high moment. The four large crates of knitting yarn I plan to keep (after already getting rid of several bags full) doesn't feel quite so good... until I remember that knitting is good for you!

And I was reminded of this by a special little parcel that arrived this week... so beautifully wrapped.

A few weeks ago I bought myself a ticket to an evening talk at Craft Days in Saffron Walden to hear a talk by Jame McIntosh. I think that people often think that I am confident and outgoing but actually the opposite is true and it takes quite a bit of courage to venture out to an event like this on my own. I can quite happily stand up and give a talk to a room of fifty people, or teach a class full of students, but in a small group of I often struggle. But James was talking about how knitting helped him overcome a serious bout of mental illness... literally saving his life. And long time readers will know that this is an issue close to my heart as my youngest son continues to battle with his mental health. So off I went... I took my knitting as a security blanket and on arrival I smiled a lot  at everyone but said very little! Of course as it turns out everyone was really friendly, including James, whose talk was inspirational and very funny.

His book "Knit and Nibble" has recipes for sweet treats as well as sweaters and we were treated to several of the fabulous cakes and biscuits while we listened to the story of how knitting helped his recovery from a severe breakdown. I loved the sweater he was wearing... simple shapes and stitched up with brilliant big embroidery stitches. Definitely on my list to make (just remind me I don't need to buy any new yarn!)

By the end of the talk everyone was mingling and chatting and I got talking to an interesting lady called Addy, an ex airline pilot and now a rep for Rowan yarns, who had her own story of over coming mental illness. We got chatting because she was wearing a gorgeous hand stitched brooch featuring a little fox with his knitting needles. She told me it had come from a lady called Lorna also known as Stitchbirdie.

When I got home I sent a message to Lorna asking if I could buy one of her beautiful brooches and this week a little parcel arrived for me and here he is! The photo doesn't show how beautiful the stitching is on this gorgeous little brooch which is entirely hand stitched. The little sweater is exquisite and the whole thing is beautiful done on a piece of Harris Tweed. And for me it is a little reminder that we all have our own struggles in life to some extent or another and we just need to be kind to each other.

Life's Curve Ball

Just as I was starting to get used the the constant merry go round from working in the cafe to teaching embroidery and everything else in between.... just as I opened my mouth and said that at last life was starting to feel okay for the first time this year... a curve ball came and threw everything off course. Once again my youngest son hit a crisis and I had to drop everything. It is his story and not mine to tell but it obviously it impacts on our life too. He has faced much anxiety inducing change over the past few months and finally something tipped him over the edge. I'd like to tell you the NHS were amazing but without us to provide him with a safe environment I'm not sure what he would have done. When a crisis team finally got to see us their "help" amounted to little more than a series of platitudes. Telling someone who barely has the energy to get out of bed and feels that life is hopeless that they should try exercising more or should perhaps practise mindfulness is not in the least helpful. When he is in a better place he is well aware that these things help to keep him well but not when he is in a place of despair. For three days, I held his hand, ministered cups of tea and listened when he had the energy to talk. I didn't leave the house except to walk the dog and I did what I always do when  life is stressful... I baked!

There were apple and oatmeal cookies...

Chewy brownies with nuggets of caramel...

Orange scented almond ricciarelli biscuits...

And even some membrillo jelly sweets because I was given another bag of quince to use up.
Being confined to the house and missing a couple of days of work also meant that I managed to get my paints out one afternoon and I finished this painting of tango dancers... which was just as well as it had been accepted for an exhibition that opens this week!

Then by the end of last week things improved enough that I took J back to his house in Cambridge (the boat is a thing of history!) and although I wasn't sure I would make it I managed to get away for a much anticipated girls weekend away. Ten of us stayed in a fabulous barn conversion in the middle of a nature reserve in Oxfordshire for three days of eating, drinking, walking and friendship. On Saturday we ventured out in the sunshine for a walk though the nature reserve. It wasn't long before we were faced with a small stream and no bridge.... the only thing for it was to take off our boots and socks and paddle! It might have been okay if I hadn't dropped one of my boots in the water!

With boots back on we carried on walking as the black clouds closed in and we tried to decide whether we could make it to a pub before the rain started. Instead we opted to go straight back to the barn...

But not before walking headlong into driving hailstones. We laughed but oh boy were we wet! And the barn was a lot further away than we thought. Back in the dry we shed our wet things and stayed in for the rest of the day to drink tea and eat cake (I knew there was a reason I'd done all that baking!)

Sunday morning was glorious and so we set out again, albeit with slightly damp boots for a lovely walk along the river Thames

At one point our navigator led us astray to a ford across the river... She was much amused as we all protested and refused to take our shoes and socks off  a second time to cross to the other side. Only then did she confess she had taken us on a detour!

We carried on walking and found a bridge instead!

At 11 am we stopped beneath these trees near an old pill box to observe two minutes silence. As we all stood together the only sound was that of the wind as it picked up and rustled the last remaining leaves causing them to flutter down amongst us, a fitting metaphor as we remembered the many fallen. And as the last post sounded, a single bird sang. I'm not a particularly spiritual person but it was an amazing shared experience that moved us all.

For me, it was also a moment to realise that all I can do is be there for J when he needs me, I can't make him better. But equally it is important to live my own life to the full too. And being away with these nine fabulous women certainly was a life affirming experience. We ate some amazing food that everyone contributed, drank prosecco, wine and gin (although not all at the same time) as well as copious amounts of tea, read books, did some knitting, finished a jigsaw and even played pass the parcel with some hysterical forfeits... have you ever tried turning around ten times and then drinking a glass of water? And on the final night we discovered that one of our party, Fiona, is a talented poet when she read us some of her very witty creations. We thought she should write a poem about our weekend away which led to everyone trying to contribute an offering... this is my rather amateur attempt:

"Ten fabulous friends converged in the shires
For a long weekend around cosy log fires.
With lasagne, chilli and tiramisu
There was plenty of food and lots to drink too!
Gin, Prosecco and the odd glass of wine
plus tea and cake ensured a good time.
On Saturday morning they ventured outside
To set off for a walk and spy birds from a hide.

They dipped their feet in a stream that made them all scream
As they paddled and slipped across.
The water was cold and tingled their toes
And the stones were all covered in moss!

Before very long, black clouds blew in and everyone got a good soaking.
But back in the barn they soon dried off and glasses were raised with more gin in!
They ate more food and games were played
Photos were swapped and stories relayed

On Armistice day they walked once again
In cold winter sunshine by the banks of the Thames
They stood together in silence beneath some bare trees,
As leaves fluttered down in the whispering breeze.
Remembering the fallen, there was a tear or two
A spiritual moment and beautiful too.

It was all agreed they had a great time, despite the brief spot of rain
in unison they all declared... When can we do it again?"

Back home, J is in a slightly better place than he was two weeks ago, I'm feeling refreshed from my change of scene and I'm hopeful that life will get back on an even keel once again. Who knows, I might even manage to blog more than once every two weeks! I hope all is well with you x

The Day That Almost Was

It was a day that had been planned with military precision, to encompass several birthday gift experiences, a family lunch and an exhibition.... not to mention ticking off several sixty x sixty experiences. Then as the day loomed near it seemed like it might not happen at all. A family crisis  knocked us all out of kilter and looked like it might put paid to any days out. I'm not going to be cloak and dagger about it, youngest son's mental health has hit a crisis point and he requires pretty much round the clock care at the moment, but that is all I need to say. There's not going to be a quick fix. But contingency plans were put into place and we were looking forward to our day out. Then less than 24 hours beforehand we received a call to say our RIB (rigid inflatable boat) experience on the Thames had been cancelled as there were only the two of us booked on. We were outraged and complained but to no avail so instead did a little bit of re-jigging of the schedule and arrived outside Blackfriar's underground station at 11 am for a "Shakespeare in the City" tour. Except no one else was there. After we eventually tracked down contact details for the company we were told the guide waited until 11.05 and then left without us, but we're not convinced, especially as we were immediately offered a replacement tour another day.

So that left two hours to kill until lunchtime. We headed into the city and thought it would be fun to spend the time in St.Paul's cathedral. That was until we discovered it was £18 each to get in, unless of course we were going in to worship. I tell you, by now I was quite ready to go in and pray if it meant being somewhere warm, but instead we went down into the cafe, drank coffee and read our books for an hour.

It was then time to brace the cold again (by now feeling slightly grateful that there was no speed boat trip) and walk up the road to the church of St. Mary Le Bow, home of the famous Bow Bells where we were meeting my eldest son Ben and his fiancee in the Cafe Below. It was lovely to see them both and the lunch was fabulous so the day was starting to look up!

After lunch we popped into the church which has been rebuilt twice, originally after the Great Fire of London in 1666 and then again after being destroyed by a German bomb in the Blitz... and what's more, it was totally free!

The stained glass was stunning.

After looking around the church we made our way to the Royal Academy where we had tickets booked for the Charles I King and Collector exhibition. Charles I had amassed an extraordinary art collection in his lifetime yet after his execution it was sold off and scattered around Europe. This exhibition brings back together over 100 works of Art from his original collection - paintings, drawings, sculpture and tapestries from artists such as Rubens, Titian, Holbein and Van Dyke. I was tired, it was crowded and I was not as impressed as I thought I might be. However I loved some of the large portraits of the Royal family and those of the King on horseback as well as some beautiful drawings.

But best of all I loved this Rembrandt of the Artist's Mother. It's difficult to convey in a reproduction just how exquisite this painting is in the flesh. The handling of the elderly woman's skin is so beautiful and luminous. I stood in front of it for a long time and kept coming back for another look.

Because we had brought our visit to the RA forward due to the cancelled boat trip we were able to fit in a second exhibition "From Life" which looked at a variety of work from the past and present where artists work from life models. It was a small yet fascinating exhibition and included a couple of fun and rather surreal virtual reality exhibits in which we could partake.

Then after a quick sandwich it was off to Covent garden for our last experience - a gin tasting at Mr. Foggs Gin Parlour, where we got a potted history of gin and a chance to taste some different varieties. So although the day got off to a bad start it finished well!

And so back home where life continues to be a bit of a challenge, so I'm grateful for the odd day out even if it doesn't always go according to plan.